Notorious Egg Thief Dies

May 25th, 2006

According to a report from the BBC a sixty-three year old man, Colin Watson, fell to his death after climbing a forty foot Larch tree to examine a nest. Mr. Watson is described as being previously “one of the most notorious thieves of rare bird eggs in the country”.  The article does not attribute any nefarious motive to his ascent, or untimely demise.

The species of bird he was observing has been kept under wraps.  However, I think it is safe to say that it was not a Fabergé, despite their value (too crunchy for a good omelette); nor a Bearded Reedling, despite their limited existence in the area (they nest just above the ground).

I urge tree climbers everywhere to lift a branch in a salute to our fallen comrade.  And do be careful.

Posted in Tree Climbing |

How to find a case, Part I.

May 23rd, 2006
Cases Part I.

How to find a case, Part I.

Would be detectives usually start out by first gathering equipment; magnifying glasses, microscopes, specialized hats, etc. This is often, but not always followed by learning a specific diagnostic technique such as finger printing or various ways of playing with a magnifying glass. Most such people stop at this point, for a simple reason: the course they are taking is a akin to trying to answer a question before it has been asked. While I acknowledge a proper millinery accoutrement is necessary to successful simple shamusry: the approach is backwards. These bursting beginners are trying to solve a case before they actually have one. Let us tank this trend and start the sleuthing here by covering just how one should go about finding a case.

Chances are you won’t stumble into a case by barrelling down a dark highway and nearly running over an escapee from a lunatic asylum, as Mike Hammer did in Kiss Me Deadly. Not being Boston Blackie, five will get you ten that nobody is going to make a habit out of framing you for robbing illegal Horse Bookmakers, as in the aptly titled The Horse Room Thefts of Boston Blackie. And, since you aren’t an internationally known –or heck, known on your block– detective, a femme fatale is not going to saunter into your dingy office past the door, hand painted letters stenciled so sternly it puts off even the swarthiest of bill collectors, under appreciated secretary staring through cigarette smoke from behind a mechanical type writer, with a mysterious scheme and a dead body hot on her heels. You may not have a door, let alone the fancy lettering. In short, you are going to need to rely on something other than serendipity to land a case.

For our purposes here, a case is any mystery that you feel like investigating; be that for purposes of solving, or impressing visiting dignataries. It could be something diabolically easy, such as “What is under my pillow?”; or a perplexing vortex of vagaries as in “Who secreted the pin head in the unknown haystack at the abandoned farm, what are its exact lattitude and longitude cooridinates (as determined with a high precision back staff and improvised kamal), and how many angels are playing pinochle on it?” No case is too much case for you, right?

Information on the specific techniques that amateur gumshoes use to get the gum off the bottom of their shoes (a janatorial trick really), the scientific method, deductive reasoning, inductive reasoning, stylometrical analysis, DIY comparison microscopy, fiber identification, following footprints, standing on the shoulders of giants, and similar solution steps will be mused upon in later articles. Following here is a small list of lighter case material, heavier potential cases will follow in “How to find a case, Part II.”

The budding detective would do well to look around the home for potential case opportunities. This depends slightly on the quantity of day-to-day residents, but often house guests (expected and otherwise) will suffice to bring about a mystery as good or better. Here are just a few possibilities:

  • Who ate the cookies? - Follow the trail of crumbs (trace evidence).
  • What is that mysterious noise? - Spooky ain’t it?
  • Who previously lived in the house? - Maybe it was a fleeing descendant of the Czar.
  • Who tracked in all that mud? - A wonderful introduction to foot prints.
  • Where is XYZ item? - Probably the remote, probably under a couch cusion, but possibly, just possibly stolen by forces of evil.
In “The Library”, an episode of the Seinfeld Television program, a certain “Lt. Bookman” (played by Phillip Baker Hall, who you may remember from Hard 8, but I would like to point out guest starred in two epidodes of Quincy, and The Waltons) is a fast talking detective given the daunting task of tracking down overdue library book scofflaws. Probably you have a local library. Why not ask your librarian if you could volunteer to help track down missing assets? Each book could be a separate case.

You could also find the owners for things in a “Lost and Found”. Most any place has one, including most places you could volunteer your services to; such as the library, bowling alley, school, petting zoo, VFW hall, etc. Every item is both a case and its own evidence. Lost objects are everywhere: keep your eyes open, on the sidewalk, at the beach, etc. Sometimes people place ads for their missing items in the classified ads section of newspapers.

Walk around any slightly populated area and sooner or later you are bound to see a poster, on a light pole or tree, alerting you to a missing pet. These make for wonderful cases, and occaisionally offer the possibility of a reward. Generally there is a picture of little Lamby Cakes along with a description, and phone number or e-mail address to contact the owner/client.

Look forward to part two for additional case ideas

Posted in Sluething |

Keith Richards Vs. Coconut Tree

May 10th, 2006

In recent tree climbing news:

There is a convoy of truckloads of reports about Keith Richards falling out of a Coconut tree in New Zealand. Initial speculation abounds about just what he was doing up there. I think it’s fair to rule out, at this point, that he was looking for sunken treasure, or international super criminals. I’ll go out on a limb and suggest that he was just up there for fun.

Please consider this: if Keith Richards can make a piña out of his colada from scaling a tree, you can too. Only when you do it, it won’t make the BBC. Realize tree climbing for the life-or-death joy of you against mother nature (and gravity) that it really is.

Posted in Tree Climbing |